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I am so Disappointed in Myself

Yesterday was True Team sections, and for the first time I got my own events instead of just being put in the 4x4 like years past. I was excited, I was feeling good, and I was ready to win. Then everything went to hell.

I started of the day with high jump. I warmed up, stretched, did a couple run throughs everything checked out okay. I was nice and limbered up and was on step for high jump. I still had ten minutes before the event started and decided to grab something to drink. You know, stay hydrated and all that in the heat. Anyways...I came back tossed my spikes on and got ready to RUMBLE!!!!! Actually it was more like tumble. I never made it over opening height. Opening height was 4 feet. 4 FREAKING FEET!! To make matters worse I cried. I hate crying, especially where people can see me. At least I was able to put an end to it quick, and blame my running nose on my cold. Even worse my coach kept trying to cheer me up but everything he said just made it worse. Especially when I could clearly see the disappointed written all over his face. Oh also, no one else even came close to touching the bar. I mean not even close. I think they drank Red Bull because they sure had wings. While I was stuck on the ground as if coated in cement.

I was upset for a couple hours. My mood only picked up during 300 hurdles. For a little bit at least.

I didn't want to do them any more. I love 300 hurdles, but after my complete fail at high jump I just couldn't do it. I mean I was sure I was going to fail. Fail and fail hard. Then I pumped myself up. Gave myself a little pep talk, and told myself it worked. Just because I wasn't feeling up to, doesn't mean that I didn't give it my all. I was heat 3 lane 7, with 5 other people in my heat and a total in of 15 girls in all. I wanted to win. I wanted to run a 52 sec. If I can run a 50 sec 300 in practice after everything else we did that day, I could run a 52 in 300 hurdles where I'd done nothing else. I started out strong, and even though I had the wrong lead leg almost the entire time and looked like a freak, I was doing good. I was first until the last hundred yards when that chick in one of the other lanes came out of no where and just barely beat me out for first. I still felt good. Then I found out what my time was and that feeling went away. I ran a 55. A FREAKING 55!! What happened?! I have never run a 55. At least I wasn't last in one event. Ya, I was 12th. Go me.

Then along came the 4x4. Everyone'e favorite event (I hope you caught the sarcasm there). Originally I was slotted to go first, but I'm not good at going first and Megan said she'd rather go first anyways.  Instead I went second. As we were waiting for the boys 2 mile to end KJ decided to give me a "pep" talk. It was really him telling me not to screw it up. That Megan was going to get us into first and all I had to do was keep it. I repeatedly told me that I better go out hard int the first hundred (what I can never do), that if I can do it in practice I can do it now. That I have to run no slower than a 65. He repeatedly stressed that. What I heard was, "I know you suck. I know you're a terrible runner. I have no idea why I put you in this, but you're in it and you better do well. If you don't do well the loss of True Team will be all your fault." That;s what i heard. I did the quick math and figured I should be running 16.25 sec 100s, or better yet just plain 16 sec 100s. Easy. I went out hard, and continued hard. I was chanting "16 seconds, 16 seconds" in my head. I came down the last hundred yards and heard another team telling some chick to speed up, to pass me. Oh hell no! I poured all I had into it and went all out  She fell behind. Speaking of fell, I nearly went down on during those last 20 yrds. I didn't, and passed off the baton without a hitch. As soon as my asthmatic lungs allowed me to, I was off in search of my split. I ran a 67.25. Really?! Really!! Can I not do anything correct?! All I had to do was run a 65. KJ couldn't have made it any more clear. The worst part was that everyone else ran a 64. Even Erin who had literally just finished running and placing 2nd in the 2 mile. She also ran and won the mile that day.

I am such a loser. I don't even know why I did everything wrong yesterday. I felt perfectly fine, my cold was just barely there. What happened?! I'm such a loser. Well, thanks for reading this. Have a good day or night or whatever time of day it currently is where ever you're reading this.

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