So today started off on the wrong foot. Actually on the wrong everything. Holy cheeze-its where's the reset button? Or better yet a Staples button. According to the commercials you press that thing and life becomes organized and not a freaking mess that it really it. I just want to press a button and then be like "Staples, that was easy" cause that'd be awesome.
The first thing that went wrong was my alarm went off. I was having a wonderful dream and then that wrecked it. Except I was still so tired I actually thought I was dreaming that my alarm went off and that it was actually only like 5am or something. Took ten minutes to realize it was a dream. Then I went to take my heart rate (something I have to do every morning and night now a days) and that takes six minutes. So at the end of the six minutes the watch beeps which it normally does to alert me that time's up and I can go about my day. Well I go to see what my heart rates levels and training level are at and instead of showing the information it says to "check wear link." So I checked the strap and tried again. Went the entire six minutes and everything was working and then it said to check wear link again. I gave up after that. I decided wasting 15 minutes was enough especially because I'd already over slept by like 10 minutes.
After that I rushed to get ready before my ride got there,, and would've made it but they showed up early. I didn't even have a shirt on! So I ran downstairs, tossed on a shirt and shoved my stuff into my bag which took at least three minutes. So know I'm making them late, which makes me feel bad. So I'm running out the door and my mom yells at me to pick up my stuff (she used different words there) and I said that I'm running late and will pick it up when I get home at like 1. All it is some school stuff for classes that I don't have today and my sports bag in the corner. No big deal right? Especially in comparison to how mach crap she and everyone else has in the living room. So I get into my friends jeep and we're pulling out when what do we see? My mother throwing my stuff into the snow. Including a $400 piece of electronic equipment for my heart rate monitor that's not even actually mine. My friend doesn't even stop, she basically peeled out of there and I'm just like "i need to save it!!"
Then I get to my freaking 7:30am early bird pre-calc class and am trying not to cry because I've been really stressed out lately because of school and work and skiing and personal stuff which I'll probably complain about later. So I'm sitting there before class trying not to freaking cry out of a combination of pure anger and confusion and stress. Well Garrett walks in and feels the need to loudly announce that I look like crap, that my eyes are red and that it looks like I've been crying. He no joke freaking yelled this. I don't want people to know that I'm sitting there freaking out, because one kind word and I'd have breakdown. That didn't help anything.
Then I went to check the time because I have to leave at 8 for an 830 class and realized that I wasn't wearing my watch and after literally tearing my bag and jacket apart still couldn't find it. I retraced my steps and everything and I have no idea where it is and that watch is basically like a security blanket to me. It's slight weight keeps me grounded and I feel horribly naked without it. So now I'm freaking out where my watch could be and am hoping that it's not broken or stolen.
Also I didn't eat breakfast or dinner and am really hungry but have no money or food for food and am pretty close to selling my body in exchange for that oatmeal I'm smelling right now.
Sections are Thursday and that's really stressing me out because I've been really tired lately and and terrified. What if I just bomb sections and don't make state again? I came really close last year and so this year I've really been working hard with extra practices and training sessions and one on one with coaches and stuff and what if none of that means a thing and I just fail anyways? What if I don't make it to state again? It would literally send me into a depression. No joke. That's how much I've been hoping on this. Plus after all this work and stuff and I fail again does that mean I'm just not meant to ski? That the one thing I want to do in life more that anything else is really just a lie and that I'm destined to spend my life always falling short just like in every other aspect of my life? Can't there just be one thing that I don't suck at? What am I going to do without skiing? I have like a whole future planned out around this. The colleges I want to go to are ski colleges,I want to be a PT because I want to work with skiers and stuff, I'm going to marry Erik Bjornsen and we all know that that's not going to happen because he would never marry a non skier. That and the fact that he has a girlfriend and we probably aren't a good match. Also If I fail I'm just letting down all those people who have stood with me every step of the way and have donated their time, money and equipment to help me. That would probably be the worst out of all of it. Seriously just disappointing all those people. God it would only serve to prove that I am in fact a loser who should just be alone all my life because I'll do nothing but let down the ones around me no matter how hard I try not to. The fact alone that I'm putting so much into this one race is freaking me out. What is wrong with me that I'm doing this??
Then there's work, which is just work. Don't get me wrong I love my job and Rachel is pretty fair when it comes to scheduling, but gosh darn it. For one, it's messing up practices and I really hate missing practices as you can probably tell from the above message. But also because of races I have had to schedule what feels like why too many days where I can't work. Rachel (she's also the boss) says it's all good, but I just feel like I'm asking way too much and that makes me feel terrible. That and the fact that I'm still not 100% on everything at work and I've been there for like six months or so. It's not like I don't know what I'm doing, I do but I don't know what I'm doing. I was never actually trained in anywhere but at pharmacy and so yeah and yeah. I don't know. It's really not bad, but there's just a lot going on. I actually like work because it's one time that there's not 100000000000x10^353453453things going on at once. Only like 10000 things.Which is really nice. Not even being sarcastic here.
Okay, I'm just gonna shut up because there's no use in complaining. Plus I'm just really tired and have just lost steam.
I'm sorry you suffered through all this bull and hope you have a good rest of your day.
The first thing that went wrong was my alarm went off. I was having a wonderful dream and then that wrecked it. Except I was still so tired I actually thought I was dreaming that my alarm went off and that it was actually only like 5am or something. Took ten minutes to realize it was a dream. Then I went to take my heart rate (something I have to do every morning and night now a days) and that takes six minutes. So at the end of the six minutes the watch beeps which it normally does to alert me that time's up and I can go about my day. Well I go to see what my heart rates levels and training level are at and instead of showing the information it says to "check wear link." So I checked the strap and tried again. Went the entire six minutes and everything was working and then it said to check wear link again. I gave up after that. I decided wasting 15 minutes was enough especially because I'd already over slept by like 10 minutes.
After that I rushed to get ready before my ride got there,, and would've made it but they showed up early. I didn't even have a shirt on! So I ran downstairs, tossed on a shirt and shoved my stuff into my bag which took at least three minutes. So know I'm making them late, which makes me feel bad. So I'm running out the door and my mom yells at me to pick up my stuff (she used different words there) and I said that I'm running late and will pick it up when I get home at like 1. All it is some school stuff for classes that I don't have today and my sports bag in the corner. No big deal right? Especially in comparison to how mach crap she and everyone else has in the living room. So I get into my friends jeep and we're pulling out when what do we see? My mother throwing my stuff into the snow. Including a $400 piece of electronic equipment for my heart rate monitor that's not even actually mine. My friend doesn't even stop, she basically peeled out of there and I'm just like "i need to save it!!"
Then I get to my freaking 7:30am early bird pre-calc class and am trying not to cry because I've been really stressed out lately because of school and work and skiing and personal stuff which I'll probably complain about later. So I'm sitting there before class trying not to freaking cry out of a combination of pure anger and confusion and stress. Well Garrett walks in and feels the need to loudly announce that I look like crap, that my eyes are red and that it looks like I've been crying. He no joke freaking yelled this. I don't want people to know that I'm sitting there freaking out, because one kind word and I'd have breakdown. That didn't help anything.
Then I went to check the time because I have to leave at 8 for an 830 class and realized that I wasn't wearing my watch and after literally tearing my bag and jacket apart still couldn't find it. I retraced my steps and everything and I have no idea where it is and that watch is basically like a security blanket to me. It's slight weight keeps me grounded and I feel horribly naked without it. So now I'm freaking out where my watch could be and am hoping that it's not broken or stolen.
Also I didn't eat breakfast or dinner and am really hungry but have no money or food for food and am pretty close to selling my body in exchange for that oatmeal I'm smelling right now.
Sections are Thursday and that's really stressing me out because I've been really tired lately and and terrified. What if I just bomb sections and don't make state again? I came really close last year and so this year I've really been working hard with extra practices and training sessions and one on one with coaches and stuff and what if none of that means a thing and I just fail anyways? What if I don't make it to state again? It would literally send me into a depression. No joke. That's how much I've been hoping on this. Plus after all this work and stuff and I fail again does that mean I'm just not meant to ski? That the one thing I want to do in life more that anything else is really just a lie and that I'm destined to spend my life always falling short just like in every other aspect of my life? Can't there just be one thing that I don't suck at? What am I going to do without skiing? I have like a whole future planned out around this. The colleges I want to go to are ski colleges,I want to be a PT because I want to work with skiers and stuff, I'm going to marry Erik Bjornsen and we all know that that's not going to happen because he would never marry a non skier. That and the fact that he has a girlfriend and we probably aren't a good match. Also If I fail I'm just letting down all those people who have stood with me every step of the way and have donated their time, money and equipment to help me. That would probably be the worst out of all of it. Seriously just disappointing all those people. God it would only serve to prove that I am in fact a loser who should just be alone all my life because I'll do nothing but let down the ones around me no matter how hard I try not to. The fact alone that I'm putting so much into this one race is freaking me out. What is wrong with me that I'm doing this??
Then there's work, which is just work. Don't get me wrong I love my job and Rachel is pretty fair when it comes to scheduling, but gosh darn it. For one, it's messing up practices and I really hate missing practices as you can probably tell from the above message. But also because of races I have had to schedule what feels like why too many days where I can't work. Rachel (she's also the boss) says it's all good, but I just feel like I'm asking way too much and that makes me feel terrible. That and the fact that I'm still not 100% on everything at work and I've been there for like six months or so. It's not like I don't know what I'm doing, I do but I don't know what I'm doing. I was never actually trained in anywhere but at pharmacy and so yeah and yeah. I don't know. It's really not bad, but there's just a lot going on. I actually like work because it's one time that there's not 100000000000x10^353453453things going on at once. Only like 10000 things.Which is really nice. Not even being sarcastic here.
Okay, I'm just gonna shut up because there's no use in complaining. Plus I'm just really tired and have just lost steam.
I'm sorry you suffered through all this bull and hope you have a good rest of your day.
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